Attraction
Asexual individuals may experience various forms of attraction, including romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attractions, which do not necessarily translate into a sexual desire or the need to act on those attractions in a sexual manner. Instead, we find fulfillment in relationships that prioritize emotional connection and are based on other types of attraction.
Romantic attraction refers to the desire to engage in romantic involvement with another person, seeking a deep emotional connection. Aesthetic attraction, on the other hand, entails appreciating someone’s physical appearance and finding beauty in it. Sensual attraction involves a desire to engage in non-sexual physical activities, such as cuddling, hugging, or kissing, which are driven by a longing for sensory intimacy.
It’s important to note that asexual individuals who experience these other forms of attraction often have preferences for specific genders. Despite identifying as asexual, they may still identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or straight, depending on their romantic or aesthetic attraction towards a particular gender.
Some individuals adopt the split attraction model, recognizing and identifying separate sexual and romantic attractions. For example, a person who identifies as asexual but desires romantic relationships with individuals of the opposite sex may refer to themselves as a “heteroromantic asexual.”
In contrast, many sexual individuals may not conceptualize their orientation in the same way, often combining their sexual and romantic attractions into a single characteristic if they align. However, asexual individuals often feel the need to specify both their sexual and romantic attractions to clearly communicate their desires and intentions to others, emphasizing what truly motivates them and what they seek in their relationships.
Arousal
Arousal, sometimes referred to as “libido” in asexual discussions, can be a regular occurrence for some asexual individuals. However, this arousal is not connected to a desire to seek out sexual partners. It can manifest in various ways, such as hormone fluctuations during the menstrual cycle or experiencing erections at specific times of the day.
Some asexual individuals may occasionally engage in self-stimulation or masturbation, but without any desire for partnered sexual activity. On the other hand, some asexual individuals may experience minimal or no arousal at all, often known as non-libidoist asexuals. Both groups are equally valid in identifying as asexual, as sexual orientation is primarily about attraction and desire towards others, rather than purely physiological reactions.
As asexual individuals do not have an inherent need for sex, the absence of sexual arousal is generally not viewed as a problem to be resolved. Even if they do experience a libido or occasional arousal, they do not perceive their needs as unmet due to a lack of sexual activity.
It is crucial to recognize that asexuality differs from medical conditions like Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). HSDD is listed in the DSM-V as a condition where there is a notable absence or decrease in sexual desire, leading to personal distress.
Asexuality, on the other hand, is not classified as a disorder in the DSM-V. If the absence of arousal or a sudden loss of interest in sex causes distress, it is advisable to consult a medical professional to receive an accurate diagnosis and appropriate support.
Relationship
Asexuality does not hinder a person’s emotional needs. Just like sexual individuals, asexual individuals have a wide range of ways to fulfill those needs. Some asexual individuals may still desire romantic relationships, seeking a deep emotional connection with a partner. Others may find the most satisfaction in close friendships or prefer to focus on their personal happiness.
Regardless of whether a relationship is sexual or nonsexual, its foundation is built on interpersonal connection. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement, and trust are equally important in nonsexual relationships as they are in sexual ones.
Asexual individuals who desire romantic relationships may encounter fewer cultural norms or expectations to guide them, but they are still seeking an emotional connection based on shared romantic love.
However, it is important to note that the dating pool for asexual individuals seeking romantic relationships is relatively small, as we represent a minority within the population. Additionally, asexuality is often less visible and has a shorter history as an established identity or community compared to other minority sexual orientations that may have more established cultural norms and venues for courtship.
As a result, many asexual individuals find themselves in mixed relationships with sexual individuals. These mixed relationships can pose unique challenges that often require compromise and open communication to navigate successfully.
Identity
Most individuals who identify as asexual have experienced a lack of sexual attraction throughout their entire lives, although some may not have been aware of the term or the asexual community until later on. Similar to how it is uncommon for someone who is heterosexual to suddenly become homosexual, asexual individuals typically do not undergo an unexpected transition to experiencing sexual attraction or vice versa.
A smaller subset of people within the asexual community may only consider themselves asexual for a temporary period while exploring and questioning their own sexuality, often during their younger years, while exploring their gender identity, or during significant shifts in interpersonal relationships.
Although there are academic efforts to develop an Asexual Identification Scale for research purposes, there is currently no test available to definitively determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality, like any other identity, is essentially a term people employ to better understand themselves and convey that aspect of their identity to others.
If you find the label of asexual useful in describing yourself, you are welcome to identify as asexual. Should you later experience feelings or experiences that suggest you are not asexual, that is perfectly acceptable as well.
Individuals who are questioning their a/sexuality are encouraged to join our community, as we are delighted to share our own experiences and perspectives to assist you in your self-discovery. Many of our members no longer identify as asexual but still actively participate to offer support and share their insights with people of all backgrounds.
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